Don’t Take the First Call

6:31AM: The telephone rings.

After staying up until 2 the night before trying to find a position, the automated substitute locater system (”SLS”) finally sends me a job. I am greeted with, “You will substitute for Ms. X at New High School.” No I won’t; I was there last week and it was a terrible assignment. I had to send one boy to the office and the rest of the students barely did their work. I hang up and go back to bed. It is nice to just say no to work sometimes.

9:31AM: The telephone rings, again.

I yawn as SLS tries to sell a half-day position in a 7th grade class. It is at a school next door to NHS. I decide not to let NHS taint its little neighbor’s reputation. I take the job.

11:31AM: Testing, Interrupted.

With the state’s standardized testing in progress, I quietly open the door to my assigned class. The students look up, yet I try to remain invisible by tip-toeing to the back of the room. For the second time in two days, I met the teacher before I took over the class. She greets me with a five-foot voice and I respond with my five-inch special.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Yes,” I respond, “I just did.”

“Well, I don’t really need you until 12:40. Feel free to leave and come back later.”

And I am gone before she can finish. Well, I am mentally gone at least. I did not have anywhere to go so I picked a corner in the back of the class and tried to refresh myself on basic cardiovascular functions. Fun times.

12:22PM: Praise.

I left the classroom door open during lunch. I do not normally like to be disturbed during lunch time. Lunch time is my time to take refuge and recharge. However, since I do not have anything to recharge from quite yet, I decided to keep the door open. Students trickled into the room. I got asked for my name.

“Mr. J,” I responded.

Before I know it, some artistic girls are writing my name on the board. They write that I am “awesome” and “cool.” They have no idea.

Ms. Y must have been thinking along the same lines because she asked me to leave my name and number so she could call me for future assignments. This is the second day in a row that I have gotten a call-back without the customary test-drive. I must have one of those faces.

12:43PM: Enter the smart students.

For the next 100 minutes, I am responsible for teaching the “benchmark” (i.e., honors) class. These students are talkative, but in a innocent sort of way. There is no cussing, no yelling, and no apologies. I stand there for a minute or two after the bell rings, silently sizing up the class. I decide to no say a word.

I begin writing on the board:

“My name is Mr. R,” a growing chorus of voices starts to vocalize every word for me, “I am here as your substitute today / Please turn to page 496 in the book and begin doing your vocabulary words / Stay in your seats while I take role.”

Finally, I break into the choir with my own solo debut.

“Class, I will first take role, then I will let you work. You may talk with those around you but please stay on task. I will do my best to stay out of your way, please do the same for me. Thanks.”

The students start to work, loudly. Some read the chapter first. Others define the vocabulary words. There are one or two throwing paper bombs at each other. I refuse to discipline because it is a benchmark class. I just take a cue from General Sherman and cut of the supplies. It turns out Ms. Y supplies the class with unlimited binder paper. After I captured the cache of paper, the war ended. Peace had been restored to the class and I did not even have to fire off a word of anger to accomplish it.

1:31PM: It Gets Too Loud.

Up until now, most of the “benchmark” students have been great multi-taskers: using their hands to write out of problem set answers as they gossip. With only 30 minutes to go, I started to wonder how much work was getting done. After all, the talking had been steadily increasing since it bottomed out sometime around one o’clock.

To took a quick survey of the class and found most of the students were not even halfway done. It was time for drastic measures.

“Class, I was nice and let you talk as you worked. You took advantage of me. Now, I need it to be absolutely silent for the next 30 minutes so you can complete the work. Actually, no, you are benchmark students. You should only need 20 minutes. Get to work.”

Acting as a silent observer, I pull up a chair next to the door and survey the class with my eyes. Before I confronted the class, students would catch my glance and take it as a sign they should be working. Now, no one looked up. No one dared speak a word. I can only hear the sound of pages furiously turning as the students make up lost time. All this and I did not need to pull out a green slip. These are “benchmark” students after all. They get it.

1:50PM: Too Nice for my Own Good.

It has been 20 minutes and I am growing tired of the silence. I need some excitement. I also need to keep my word and do another survey of the work completed. It turns out most of the students had made great strides toward completion in 20 minutes. For my part, I decided to let the students end on a high note.

“Okay class, you may begin speaking again. Please continue working until the bell rings.”

In less then two minutes, the room is filled with gossip again. This time, however, their idle talk was running over papers that had been pumped with lead and pressed into my hands–their exit pass to freedom.